Through the Hill Country
From August 28th to September 3rd, Vanity's world fell apart in ways he couldn't have anticipated. Within just a few days, everything he had been holding onto slipped through his fingers. A connection he deeply valued was shattered, a casualty of a manic episode that took over without warning. His manager, who was also a close friend, was let go from work, pushing Vanity further into the instability he had feared. To top it off, his car—something he had worked so hard for—was stolen, leaving him feeling helpless. And then came the news that his grandpa’s cancer had returned, casting a heavy weight over everything else.
Vanity lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing he could turn back time to last Monday when everything seemed fine. If he could go back, he’d warn himself that a storm was coming. Instead, here he was—feeling lost and on the verge of another manic episode, his thoughts urging him to destroy everything in his path. The familiar sense of control and confidence he found in his Vanity persona was gone. This wasn’t the strong and composed figure people knew—this was Andy, raw and overwhelmed. Vanity thought he had grown beyond this kind of breakdown, but now it felt like he was sliding back into a place he hadn't been in for years.
The following Tuesday, the day after his life seemed to spiral, Vanity received the news about his grandpa's illness. It felt like the final blow, and the darkness that followed was suffocating. As things seemed to get worse, Vanity reached out to his friend Margot, sharing his overwhelming sadness. That night, Margot did something he’d never experienced before—she gave him an evening filled with self-care, wine, food, and a quiet conversation that soothed some of the chaos swirling inside him. She knew what he needed without having to ask, bringing over a bottle of BIG SALT wine, his favorite, and guiding him through a self-care routine in the shower. For the first time in a while, Vanity realized how much he had been neglecting himself.
The next morning, they had a day planned—an escape from everything that had been crushing him. They grabbed coffee from a small shop in downtown Austin and headed out for Fredericksburg. The day began with an 8-mile hike, the only sounds being nature and their own thoughts. Vanity started the hike feeling low, but somewhere along the trail, his mindset began to shift. Instead of wallowing, he allowed himself to step back into the Vanity persona, putting on his headphones as "Vogue" played. With every step, he let go of the heartache, the stolen car, and the stress over money and told himself everything was going to be okay.
As he walked, Vanity reflected on the good things still ahead for the year. He reminded himself that this storm was temporary, just another challenge that would one day seem small in hindsight. He thought of his past struggles and how they, too, had once seemed insurmountable. Now, they were just stories he laughed about. He imagined how 2020 Andy would feel if he knew he’d eventually fulfill a big part of his bucket list by moving to Austin. Or how, in 2017, Andy would never have guessed he’d be hiking in Texas with a girl from Boston, two people from opposite coasts brought together in a new chapter of life.
Though the day wasn’t without its stumbles—getting lost, separated, and even scraping his leg—Vanity reminded himself that everything would be fine. After the hike, they went to the river for a swim, or in Vanity's case, a float (since he still couldn’t swim). The water was calming, and the quiet moments by the river helped soothe the chaos in his mind. The next stop was a vineyard for some wine and journaling, and as they drove through Fredericksburg, Vanity took a moment to reflect on how far he’d come. The peacefulness of the Hill Country washed over him—miles of land, animals grazing, and the absence of city noise.
Vanity thought back to his journey—how a boy from a small town in California had ended up here, living a life he never imagined in Texas. He realized that, as much as it hurt now, everything was happening for a reason. His heartbreak, his car being stolen, the stress—it all had a purpose, even if it wasn’t clear yet. Driving through the rolling hills, he felt a sense of gratitude for the people in his life. His friend T had taken him out for a drink the day after his car was stolen, which Vanity desperately needed. Sasha had been there, offering him rides and a shoulder to cry on, listening to his pain. And Margot, who had given him two days of laughter, comfort, and care, showed him the power of friendship when he needed it most.
Through it all, Vanity was reminded of the importance of gratitude, even during the darkest times. The people in his life, the challenges he faced, and the moments of joy—no matter how fleeting—were all part of the bigger picture. And while he might not have all the answers now, Vanity knew that, eventually, everything would be okay.